How to Poop in Public

Or, in my case, how to fail.

So I'm at work today.  I feel the urge.  I head to the bathroom, grabbing my phone on the way.  Might as well check my e-mail while I'm in there, right?  I come through the door and, of course, there's 1 taken stall out of 6.  (To be fair, this bathroom really only has 3 completely usable stalls at any given time; you can only pee in the remaining 3 stalls, which either leak, don't flush properly, or are in the handicapped stall).  I get in, sit down, and prepare to wait until the other patron is finished, right?  This is how it's done.  You get in, you do your business.  If there's someone else there, you wait politely (for like 3 full minutes) until they leave to go.  If they don't leave within that time, then you have license to get upset.  So...get this.

I wait.  And I wait.  And I get to the point where I almost can't wait any longer.  And then I hear it.  The flipping of magazine pages.  ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!  I thought the idea of me bringing my phone in was bad enough!  But no, this woman seems to think the bathroom is a break room.  A place for her magazine perusal!  My thoughts flash quickly to our team lunch table, where we have stacks upon stacks of these magazines to skim through.  Was this one of our magazines?

As I was ready to actually shout out to this woman to leave, reprimanding her for her obvious lack of bathroom etiquette, 3 other people poured in.  Of course.  So, I figure I'll wait until one goes, flushes, and then I'll make my move and head on out before I have to deal with the Idiot.  What happens then?  While the bathroom is silent except for a slight rustle of clothing or shoes on the floor?

My phone vibrates.  And not just a minor vibration.  I'm talking those extremely loud and noticeable vibrations.  The kind you hear across a room and think, 'Was that my phone?'

Yes, it was your phone - IN THE GODDAMN BATHROOM.  Most embarrassing thing.  Ever.

Other than that, I survived Monday quite well.  A meeting was set up for tomorrow that might provide some good fodder for discussion, but it would require me explaining the "silos of communication" that exist within the pyramids of command at my place of employment, so I'll refrain for the time being.  Another time, another time.

I've never felt so accomplished at 7:30 before...I've eaten a (mostly) healthy dinner, exercised, and am now on the computer, doing my daily research and blogging.  Wonderful!  I've even rewarded myself with a no-calorie, no-aspartame soda (Coke Zero ftw!) to celebrate.

And now I'm off to indulge in games until Chris gets back from his bowling league (no, seriously, you read that right) and we can read/cuddle/sleep.  Let's see how long it takes me to become annoyed with my WoW achievement, shall we?